I’m approaching 30 here very very soon, and at first I thought not much of it. As it gets closer I feel a sense of sadness like, “dang I’m 30…. and I don’t feel good in my skin, I feel not an ounce of “desirable or sexy” like how much could my husband look at me today and find me honestly attractive?! Covered in stretch marks, loose skin and a double chin I loathe! Yes I made humans, yes I carried and brought 3 perfect healthy babies into this world with my body! You can give me the “give yourself some credit” talk till your blue in the face. For now my body is a work in progress.. Progress that lets be honest, when –“keyword”– ‘WHEN’ I have free time the last thing I want to do is work out! I’m suffering from a disconnection, a disconnection of reality, who I am, and being content and comfortable with me NOW. I look at photos of me pre kids.I want to jump off a cliff! Lol. I took photos back in January bc I wanted to feel pretty, and cute, and little and clearly DELUSIONAL . I wanted my husband to have photos that he could look back on and think “dang!” All high expectations on my end. All non realistic optimism, I’m not a model, I don’t want to be a model, why did I do that? I feel stupid! I didn’t feel an ounce of liberation or confidence I was hoping for! I swore I would never share these photos…and I’m still not going to with the exception of this one. I chose this photo in particular because it’s the area of my body I’m MOST insecure of.I know my husband loves the shit out of me, he tells me every single day….I just hope that one day I can see what he sees. 30 is just a number, and I’m told 30s we’re some of the best years of people’s lives! Pfft! I doubt anyone who says that were wiping 3 asses and driving a mini van! But hey, I will continue to push. I will Continue to strive for happiness in my own skin. Being a mom is tough shit…. We carry so much weight on our shoulders and on top of all that finding the time to actually put some makeup on and a dress with some heels ceases to exist (at least in my world), and so does the thought or reality of being that “pretty mom” for now. I’d rather take the “good mom, than the “pretty mom” any day, at least my confidence in how my life is with my kids is sky high! At the end of the day, how I view myself on the exterior is such a small part of me, the interior is what I should look too for confidence and liberation. I sure hope Im not the only one who has felt this bittersweet feeling when turning 30!
Girl I SO feel you on this! I’m only 26 so it’s not the 30 scare, it’s the body disconnect for sure. Pre-kids I was one of those lucky bitches that was just small naturally with no effort. Never worked out, ate what I wanted, drank…. all while just having a cute small body. Fast forward 4 years and 2 kids and I’m 50 pounds overwreight no matter WHAT I do and feeling like shit 99% of the time. I can’t offer any advice, just know you’re so not alone.
(And by the way, I think you look amazing in all your photos!)
Being a mom is the hardest shit ever. Fuck anyone that’s exoresses different. It’s stressful, isolating, and a million other things. My husband loves the shot out of me too and I often think he could find someone more attractive than me and wonder why he doesn’t, especially cause I’m usually a major bitch on top of living in yoga pants with saggy tits. But they love us, in the way we always wanted, like real husbands do. They see long beyond our exterior and love us for what we have to offer. And that’s a wonderful thing. On days that I have been able to put on clean clothes and a little mascara I feel like a badass bitch. But that’s not everyday or anything close. We’ll get there someday. Our confidence will grow. We’re always a work in progress otherwise we aren’t growing as humans. Love you! Sorry for my word vomit that probably doesn’t even make sense.
I completely understand. I’m 32 (33 this year) & I had a surprise 3rd baby in July. I thought my life of having babies and making bottles was done. I thought I finally got my body back. I have a 6 year old and a 5 year old and it took me years to feel like my old self. My husband is pretty much always gone (except when he’s home to get me knocked up ;)) because of his military career and I feel like I never have time alone and if I do have a bit of time I don’t want to work out! I think eventually we will learn to accept our new bodies and may take sometime to get to that place. You are beautiful and you have a great family. Keep your head up momma!